I mean, that’s essentially what they’re saying.

The Centers for Disease Control issued a few tips for a safe Super Bowl weekend. Yes, pandemic and all, but COME ON.

  1. Host a virtual Super Bowl Party. “Wear clothing or decorate your home with your favorite team’s logo or colors, make appetizers or snacks with the people you live with to enjoy while watching the game and share the recipes with your friends and family, or start a text group with other fans to chat about the game while watching.”
  2. Attend an outdoor viewing party where viewers can sit 6 feet apart. “Use a projector screen to broadcast the game and sit at least 6 feet away from people you don’t live with.”

The outdoor viewing party sounds like a great idea, until you look at the forecast for Manhattan on Sunday (Sunny and a high of 21).

Then there’s this if you’re actually going to go to a party.

“Have conversations with the host ahead of time to understand expectations for celebrating together, bring your own food, drinks, plates, cups, utensils, and condiment packets, wear a mask indoors and outdoors, and avoid shouting, cheering loudly, or singing. Clap, stomp your feet, or bring (or provide) hand-held noisemakers instead.”

Oh, and they say don’t drink, because you do stupid things when you drink that will just spread COVID. Which, fine. Yes, CDC, you’re not wrong.

But bringing my own food, no drinking, can’t make any noise…that sounds like a family reunion when I was six.

Might as well just stay at home. At least then, you don’t have to put on real pants.